This is my 315th post. I've been blogging for for almost 17 months now.
Over a year I've been writing to make "you" laugh.
Over a year I've been writing to inform "you".
Over a year I've been writing to heal myself.
I don't know if I've succeeded on any of those accounts.
"You" say you've laughed.
"You" say you've learned.
But I don't know if I've healed.
(Over) A year ago I began this blog for the sole purpose of healing my wounded spirit. Even if no one read it but me I knew that my voice had merit. I had failed at life (over) a year ago and I couldn't explain that to anyone, especially myself. I had no job, no identity and a broken child. I didn't know how to begin putting life back into living.
My spirit hasn't healed completely and I don't think that it ever will but a callus has formed over that raw hole--it's often still tender to the touch but if necessary it can and will hold my weight. My identity has developed and I no longer see my child as a broken piece that cannot be fixed. I know now that Mommy is a title that is bestowed to only the very lucky and that Special Needs Mommy is bestowed on only the very, very lucky (Some might say only the very best among us!).
(Over) A year later I still see my blog as a place for me to continue healing and as a place where my spirit can continue to grow. One day my identity will be determined but for now I relish that I am undefined (and undeniable). One day even I will realise that because I'm the Mommy is more than because I said so; it is so because I KNOW so. Only time will tell what kind of Mommy and blogger I will be but the ride is exciting and worth the dips and dives so that I can experience the peaks and see as far as the sun.
Peace (On Earth) Out!
And as always (on Thursdays) this post was inspired by Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writing Workshop.
