MY 12 Days of Christmas

WARNING! If you don't have a sense of humor please find a
different blog to read. Oh and there will be expletives--quite
a few actually. Deal.




On the first day of Christmas the Hubby gave to me,
a full-page list of gifts that aren't for me.

On the second day of Christmas the preschool gave to me,
two snotty boys and a full-page list of gifts that aren't for me.

On the third day of Christmas the children gave to me,
three fighting siblings, two snotty boys and full-page list of gifts that aren't for me.

On the fourth day of Christmas my new diet gave to me,
four lost pounds (SO not worth missing out on the peanut butter fudge.), three fighting siblings, two snotty boys and full-page list of gifts that aren't for me.

On the fifth day of Christmas the children gave to me,
five MIGRAINES! Four lost pounds, three fighting sibs, two snotty boys, and huge effing list of gifts that aren't for me!

On the sixth day of Christmas the electric company gave to me,
a six figure power bill, five MIGRAINES! Four lost pounds, three fighting sibs, two snotty boys and huge effing list of gifts that aren't for me! What the hell?

On the seventh day of Christmas the children gave to me,
seven still sticky handmade gifts, a six figure bill, five MIGRAINES! Four lost pounds, three fighting sibs, two snotty boys and I-better-be-getting-something-good-because-I did-all-of-the-shopping from this huge list of gifts that aren't for me!

On the eighth day of Christmas the Hubby gave to me,
eight hours notice about his office Christmas party, seven handmade gifts, a six figure bill (No we can't turn the heat on during the day. Put on another sweater.), five MIGRAINES! Four lost pounds, three fighting sibs, two snotty boys and where the hell is the list of gifts that are for me?

On the ninth day of Christmas the dogs gave to me,
nine puddles on my floor, eight hours notice (You've known for how long about this damn Christmas party and didn't think it was important to tell me?), seven sticky gifts, a six figure bill, five MIGRAINES! Four lost pounds, three fighting sibs, two snotty boys and a huge list of gifts that aren't for me!

On the tenth day of Christmas the Hubby gave to me,
ten pounds of ice melt (This SO better not be my gift!), nine doggy piddles, eight hours notice, seven handmade gifts, a six figure bill, five MIGRAINES! Four lost pounds, three fighting sibs, two snotty boys and huge list of gifts that aren't for me!

On the eleventh day of Christmas the "real" tree gave to me,
eleven broken ornaments (I'm burning this tree in fucking effigy at the end of Christmas!), ten pounds of ice melt, nine doggy piddles, eight hours notice, seven handmade gifts, a six figure bill, five MIGRAINES! Four lost pounds, three fighting sibs, two snotty boys and a huge list of gifts that aren't for me!

On the twelfth day of Christmas Bacchus gave to me,
twelve glasses of wine (praise God!), eleven broken ornaments (damn tree), ten pounds of ice melt, nine doggy puddles, eight hours notice, seven sticky gifts, a six figure bill, five MIGRAINES! Four lost pounds (not for long), three fighting sibs, two snotty boys, just give me a God-damned present off the list of presents not for me!

Merry Christmas everyone!
Peace (On Earth) Out!
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