My daughter’s road to diagnosis took longer than it should. It was fraught with missteps, misinformation, misguided hopes--let’s just say there were lots of missed things. Myriam isn’t one of those kids that was doing well and then suddenly woke up autistic. Myriam was autistic from day one. Of course we didn’t understand that at the time.
Myriam was a C-Section baby. It wasn’t planned; in fact it was kind of a snap decision. Afterwards, I remember being in a fog, and that fog lasted for about six hours. I remember thinking it was the most surreal experience. I remember questioning myself as to whether I had really “had” the baby. And she didn’t cry. After everyone had passed the baby around for what seemed like an eternity she was given to me and I remember thinking it odd that she really didn’t cry and that she really seemed happier when she was left alone in her crib.
Breast feeding was a nightmare with Myriam. She was a lazy eater and didn’t want to work for the food. She would latch on; suck a couple of times and either fall asleep or rage because the milk wasn’t flowing down her throat of its on volition. Bottle feeding became necessary before my maternity leave was even over. And still she was happier in her crib than she ever was being cuddled or held. But I felt rejected and I cried when I was alone.
As she got older we noticed that although she seemed happy enough, she didn’t laugh or smile as much as other babies. And although she made cooing and babbling noises their frequency wasn’t affected by encouragement. In fact, it seemed just the opposite. If we praised and made a fuss, she shut down and sort of withdrew; a trait she still has to this day. But by the time we might have begun worrying about it we found out I was pregnant again; and this time with TWINS!
Worry was pushed aside. Jokes were made quietly by my husband and I that Myriam was having an “autistic moment” anytime a real symptom would present itself, like the stimming or echolalia; because humor has always been our way of coping with fear and worry. Besides at every check up she had hit every milestone and then some. At a year, she walked and talked in complete sentences and I was hugely pregnant and exhausted. By thirteen months the boys were here and Myriam didn’t seem to notice her parents’ inattention.
Read the Saga:
The Road--Part 1
The Road--Part 2
The Road--Part 3
The Road--Part 4
Read the Saga:
The Road--Part 1
The Road--Part 2
The Road--Part 3
The Road--Part 4
