Potty Training Don't

Children really make you look at the world in an entirely different light. I understand now why my parents did some of the things they did while I was growing up. I understand so many things now. For example, parents don’t care about what is fair or who is right all they care about it is silence. I know that I am guilty of taking a toy from one child to make another stop wailing. I have punished all three children because two were fighting. It’s not fair I know, but it does keep Mommy from selling the children on the black market. And by the way, all of my children are for sale if the price is right. Porter will cost you a little more—he’s potty trained. And speaking of that…

My frustration over potty training has reached a whole new level. I no longer care whether my children are potty trained I just want left out of the process. So about a year ago, during a particularly low moment in parenting I informed my daughter that I was no longer changing her diapers. If she didn’t use the potty then she was on her own. I then handed her a diaper and told her to put it on. After about twenty minutes of screaming and struggling Myriam successfully put on her own diaper, and I’ve been out of the process ever since. No one believes me when I tell them this, but it’s true. I guess until you see a child change their own diaper it’s hard to imagine. But she gets undressed, takes the diaper off and throws it in the trash, retrieves a new diaper and puts it on without assistance from me and then redresses herself. Most of the time she doesn’t even inform me of the task, unless she’s stinky and then I assist her. Ultimately, I believed that she would tire of the process and decide that using the potty was easier but I didn’t count on the fact that maybe it was easier to use a diaper.

Ok. I’m going to admit something here that might change how you all look at me. I was desperate! I was trying to get into my daughter’s head and figure out where the disconnect was occurring, so I went to the store and bought a package of adult diapers. I forced my husband to try them with me—looking back it really wasn’t that difficult to convince him. Hmm…. Anyway, we put them on and the strangest thing happened. We realized that this whole potty thing was a real sham! Diapers are WAY easier! I mean my husband and I were laughing and giggling about it all evening. My husband comes up to me and said, “I peed while sitting on the couch, drinking a beer and watching the game!” I replied, “I got one better. I’m peeing right now!” In other words this all went terribly, terribly, wrong.