Let me start off by saying that extreme couponers both frighten and fascinate me. Mostly, fascinate. I've seen the show. I too have had visions of free food dancing through my head. But realistically, it just doesn't work for my family. I don't have 40 hours a week to clip coupons and plan shopping routes and I DON'T have the storage space for 6000 bottles of ketchup. I save grocery money in other ways.
Now no matter how much admiration I have for those penny-pinching-individuals, I believe there is a time and a place for such things and a Saturday (early) afternoon at a VERY busy Wal-Mart is NOT that time.
I need to clarify that the scenario I'm writing about isn't about an extreme couponer but a price matcher and I know there is a difference but
My story begins on a Saturday afternoon, The Hubby and I, for reasons I still can't understand,
We were wrong, Wrong, WRONG!
We load our items onto the conveyor belt and begin trying to placate/cajole/threaten/entertain our restless brood. After a couple of minutes we realize that we've inadvertently found ourselves behind a price matcher. But not just any old price matcher, one that doesn't have her shit together. The Hubby and I watch in horror as she makes this poor cashier run all over the lanes trying to find the ads she doesn't have on her, listen to her berate the CSM, while pointing at ads on her smart phone and argue that the Wal-Mart brand and the Aldi brand should be interchangeable and therefore the same price.
After several minutes, Porter's head explodes. He begins touching things, the candy bars, his siblings and then the items on the conveyor belt. HER items on the conveyor belt. "Coup" promptly snarls at him not to touch her things and gives me the look of death. "This is going to take awhile, you might consider changing lanes," she says with a wag of her finger and swish of her head.
And MY head explodes.
All this time, I've done everything I can to keep these kids in check, the lines haven't gone down--in fact ours is now five deep and she still has a dozen items to check.
Porter, defiantly looks Coup in the eye and S-L-O-W-L-Y extends his finger and touches another of her items. I turn my back to the situation and choke back a snort/laugh.
The Hubby mumbles, a weak, "Honey," and looks on in horror.
And then Porter starts singing and I give up my tenuous grasp on sanity. I've had it. The stupid Coupon Lady and her belief that she can waste everyone's time and monopolize these poor Wal-Mart employees is too much. Her condescending attitude toward this poor cashier has made anyone within earshot begin to grumble. And Porter's singing gets louder.
I have now turned Porter to face Coup; she is now getting the full force of his song. I have quit trying to corral my children and they are jumping up and down, inching closer and closer to Coup. The cacophony of sound emitted from them is deafening. The cashier's focus is now torn between my children and Coup's demands.
A moment more passes and Coup snarls at the cashier to "just finish ringing everything up", grabs the last two bags, swipes her card and storms off.
The frazzled cashier looks at my children in horror and slowly meets my eyes. I smile, snap my fingers and forcefully command my children, "BENCH!" They immediately stop singing, jumping and twirling and file quietly and quickly to the open bench at the front of the building. They sit down and quietly talk.
The cashier and CSM both laugh and the man, in line behind us, claps my husband on the shoulder and says, "she's amazing." The Hubby nods and says, "Yeah, she has an evil streak that I just love."
And a small clap from the customers behind us erupts as Coup glares at us and continues to slink towards customer service to "finish" her price matching.