Farm Girl 101

     As a wildly successful blogger in Canada--and I'm HUGE in Canada my mind only, I am constantly asked how I manage to live in a rural, farming community when I'm obviously such a cosmopolitan, trendy chick? Ok so no one has EVER asked me that, but someone totally should. And since you asked if you must know there are things that can only be learned in small, rural communities, like Podunk. Very valuable tidbits that only the locals know.
     Just so you know, I wasn't born into this whole corn-fed, rural existence. I spent a few of my formative years living in Kansas City proper. So these are things that I've had to learn in order to fit in to this countrified existence and I thought I'd share the knowledge that I've amassed over the past 30+ years. Don't worry it won't take long.

10 Things Ya'll MUST Know if You're Going to Call Yourself a Mid-West Farm Girl

    Another cow picture... I realize that I have a problem.
  1. You must be able to identify four plants at any stage of their development, from seedling to fully mature and ready for harvest. They are corn, wheat, milo and beans.
  2. You should also know that when we say beans we are referring to soybeans and not green beans.
  3. And while we're on the subject you should also know that the vast majority of the corn you see is in fact, field corn; used to feed animals and make ethanol, not sweet corn which people eat. And although I know and love a few individuals that not only eat field corn but enjoy it, it doesn't change the fact that I think those people are crazy.
  4. You must know and understand all of the words to at least one David Allan Coe song. Preferably "You Never Even Called Me By My Name". Although knowing that "Take This Job and Shove It" was actually a Coe song covered by Johnny Paycheck will show you are a true connoisseur!
  5. Knowing that "bucking bales" means to pick hay bales out of the field and toss them onto a trailer is necessary. Bonus points if you've actually done it. (And if you don't understand how physically demanding such a job is, know that each bale weighs about 85+ lbs.)
  6. Even in areas like Podunk where most farmers are crop farmers knowing the difference between a bull, cow, heifer, and steer is important. A bull is an "intact" male, a cow is a female that has had at least two calves, a heifer is a young (under 3 years old) female that has never calved and steer is a male that has been castrated.
  7. Tractor pulls, rodeos, mud runs, or fairs require breaking out the "good" boots which should be paired with cutoff shorts if you are under the age of 25. (If over, please spare all of us the torment.)
  8. Knowing how to shoot a rifle is de rigueur.
  9. But knowing how to field dress a deer will get you a husband. (Pushing your Hubby out of the way to finish caping one out, because he's totally doing it back asswords will make it your job for life. It's a fine line you walk.)
  10. Being able to find and name at least 6 constellations in that big, dark, wide open sky is priceless!
Bonus: Have a working knowledge of your family tree. It'll save you from dating your third cousin, twice removed. (One of these days I'll tell you the Hubby's story about that one....)

So how'd ya'll do? Are you countrified?

Peace Out!
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