Illness, Cancer, and Marriage

     The Hubby and I have had a rough few of months. Between sick kids and a sick Mommy we've spent ZERO time together. A disconnect definitely occurs when you spend an entire week asleep, which is what happened a several weeks ago. I had shingles.* It sucked. A LOT. We barely spoke 10 words to each other each day. We'd get up, get kids ready for school and go our separate ways. After the Hubby went to work for a few hours he'd come back and I'd pop my pain meds and go back to bed. I was averaging 14 hours of sleep A DAY! Anything to keep the pain at bay.

     I haven't exactly been a model wife either. I've been mean, unforgiving and unappreciative. Yes the Hubby took off work every day to come home and help with the kids. Yes, he got up and attempted to got the kids ready for school by himself. Yes, he made dinner for himself and the kids. A week of frozen pizzas, chicken nuggets, blue box mac and cheese, and hot dogs isn't going to kill them. But did he ever once ask if I wanted dinner? Or if I needed or wanted anything? Or even if I was feeling better in a way that didn't sound like he was trying to nail down a recovery date?
     In fact, there for awhile I was pretty angry about how I'd been treated through this whole shingles episode. I didn't understand how or why it was that I was sicker than I've ever been and yet, the Hubby pretty much spent the entire week... ignoring me.

Frankly... it hurt my feelings. I was feeling very unloved and unappreciated.

     Finally, one Saturday morning I put down the pain meds for the first time in over a week and a half. That was the first day that I didn't feel like my head was splitting in two. So I curled up in bed with the Hubby and we talked. He told me how worried he's been about me. He said that he had been just positive that this had been something far worse than shingles. He explained how he'd lie awake at night going over the worst case scenarios--embolisms, disease, cancer. He was panicking that he would have to take care of our three children alone and he knew he was not equipped to do that.
     I would have laughed had he not been holding me so tightly. He continued to explain that every sniffle and cold I've had this year, my 37th year, has set him worrying. Every ache and pain makes him break out into a cold sweat. His mom was 37 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. He still carries the fear of losing her with him and now that fear has been transferred onto me. Now I'm the one he fears losing.
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*Epilogue
It took over a month to fully recover from my shingles episode. I never developed the rash that's associated with shingles but I did have the excruciating pain on one side of my body, some loss of motor control in my left hand, and a temporary partial paralysis in my face. The pain lasted for a little over two weeks with the other symptoms slowly fading thereafter. Did I mention that it really SUCKED? Pin It
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