Because I'm the Mommy

Disclaimer: If you were looking for a humorous, yet tasteful post; this isn't it. Be warned. But if you like a little bit of over sharing mixed with bawdy bathroom humor, man are you in luck!

I'm sure that, if you have ever taken an antibiotic you are familiar with the havoc that they wreck on your digestive system. Well in case you've never taken antibiotics the strength I've been on for over a week, know that I've spent considerable time in the bathroom. And as mothers I'm sure all of you are aware that the time a mother spends alone, in any capacity is very limited, and it would seem bathroom time in particular.

     My... "digestive issues" began on Wednesday of last week, as I was sitting in the valet line waiting to pick up my daughter from Kindergarten. For those of you familiar with "intestinal distress" you know the panic that overwhelms you the moment that first rumble occurs. I broke out into a cold sweat as I INCHED my way through the line to my waiting daughter. I groaned as my stomach made the tell tale flip, flop and then spasm while waiting at the four way stop. I clenched... and gritted my teeth the entire way home. The two mile drive from the school to our home was the longest drive of my life. Once home I pushed past children to get to the bathroom and the moment I "settled in" I hear, "MOOOMM, I need to go potty!"
     After a few minutes of door banging, whining and complaining I relinquish the throne to Logan and Porter, who I guess was there to offer moral support to his brother. And that's when I hear it.

Logan: "Ugh! What's that smell?"
Porter: "Mommy you make a BIG stink!"
Logan: "Mommy YOU make that bad stink?"
Me: "Well... you're no bed of roses either, when you poop!
Logan: "Mommy, you's still sick. 'Cause I no stink like that!"

     Now most people would think that would be the end of the whole incident but those people don't live with my children. Fast forward to Saturday morning when the Hubby and I are laying in bed chit-chatting with each other. The boys are up but haven't come to get us yet. We can hear them in the bathroom.

Porter: "Are you making a stink, Ogen?"
Logan: "Yeah." (giggling and snickering)
Porter: "Eww! You stink. You no roses."
Logan: "Yeah but I's not like Momma!"
Porter: "Yeah!" (laughing)

'Cause that's what I need them talking about at school....
Peace out!