Many thanks to Kim for jumping in here all last minute-y and filling the void that has been my blog this week.
Peace out!
Hi there,
My name is Kim, and I am the author of a blog called My Twin*tastic Life. I'm a stay at home mom to identical twin boys who are 4 years old. And sick with colds. And conjunctivitis. Wanna come over? Anywho....Rebecca here, became my friend when she very nicely helped me with the design of my blog. I am somewhat new to blogging and she was nice enough to tell me my blog looked like I was somewhat new to blogging. She helped me spruce it up a bit and I was and continue to be forever grateful. Plus, she still comes to my rescue whenever I am trying to tweak something else on there. Anywho, we all know she's an all around great gal, who is right now, feeling a bit under the weather.
These are my poor sickos this week....but don't worry, they were up running around right after I took this pic! |
So when I saw that my friend Rebecca was sick, I asked if she wanted a note from me excusing her from her duties. Surprise, surprise she did! So here I am, writing a little post for her, substituting if you will, letting her have a sick day from her blog since you sure as hell know she can't call in sick at home!
I started thinking that we should be able to call in sick. There should be some higher-up who would be able to excuse us from our duties for the day....write a note on some official looking pad of paper, telling our families to fend for themselves or even {gasp} take care of us! Then I started thinking about what those notes would look like. Here are what I think some of them
Notice my sis-in-law played the word "swig". Good advice, right there. |
Please excuse Jane from work today. She has a pounding headache from hitting her head against the wall over and over again yesterday while attempting to potty train the 3 year old, (Yes that's you Johnny. IN the potty! Not around it, not ON it. IN it!) I have strongly advised her to stay in bed, with the TV off, but with her iPad placed close by
OR
WANTED: May respond to the name "DADDY" Or maybe not. |
Mommy isn't doing shit today. She feels like the crap she was wiping off your butt yesterday and is boycotting all of you. It is Saturday, so please see the man named "Daddy" for anything you may need. You can find him either in the garage or on the couch. He may seem like he doesn't know what the hell he's doing, but whatever he does will be fine for the day and Mommy will fix it tomorrow. If you hear him whisper, "Go ask Mommy", take the middle finger on your hand, yes, that's right, tall man, and show it to Daddy. There is no reason for you to watch your shows on the TV in Mommy's room, no matter what the man says so please STAY THE HELL OUT. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
OR
Have you ever seen this woman in YOUR house? |
I am submitting this letter as a request demand for a few days off. It is in your best interest to allow these days off, as you may find me to be a bit difficult to be around. Do NOT ask me if it's "that time of the month", or if "Aunt Flo is here" because it is not 1987 and you do NOT want to hear my answer. Please ensure that the kitchen is stocked with Cool Ranch Doritos, Laffy Taffy, chocolate covered pretzels and Lemon Lime Gatorade. Do not ask why, just do it. And don't eat any of it. I will return 3 days from now. Any questions please see your Father. Or a neighbor. Or sleep at a friends house....whatever.
OR
If Mommy looks like this, close the door and walk away. |
I know I'm not up yet, and I won't be for a few hours.
OR
There's my boy! W, making us all proud! |
I am only here today in a Consulting capacity. I am not here to play army men with you, nor will we be going outside to play. I see a lot of TV on the agenda and at least ONE, if not TWO meals centered around chicken nuggets. I will not be making any major decisions today, nor will I be in my striped Referee uniform. Any arguments you have must be worked out amongst yourselves. I would prefer there be no violence, but our neighbor is a nurse if you really feel it's justified. I understand that I may seem to be a bit of a "drag" today, but you can respectfully suck it. I got this illness from you because you pick your nose and touch everything in the house. You also coughed in my mouth 2 nights ago while sleeping in my bed as I comforted you during your illness. So please. Enjoy the junk food and TV for today and just let me be. Thank you and good night.
and this one is especially for Rebecca
To my helpless family loving family,
As you can tell by the painful, puss filled blisters all over my body, I am feeling a bit under the weather. I was hoping that these sores would frighten you, or at the very least, gross you out just enough to keep you away for a few hours at a time, but this has not been the case. Perhaps when they begin to open and ooze that will change. Apparently, you have gotten used to me feeding, clothing and hugging you all the time, which is unfortunate. I understand that you see me on my computer, updating my blog for my millions of fans, but that doesn't mean that I feel better. It's just that they seem to be a little bit more sympathetic to my being sick than you, and they say nice things to me...quite honestly, that makes me feel good. So I will drag myself out of bed for you. I will cook you dinner and help you in the tub, but I don't want to hear your "Ewwww, gross's" or "Mom, you're getting puss in our Mac and cheese!" You can shut it or have Apple Jacks for dinner. I love you, but I'm in pain and filled with puss so you'll have to cut me some slack. Hopefully (for your sake) I will be better soon, and I will be be back to being the best blogger Mom in the whole world. Until then, can you grab me some juice and show yourselves out? Thanks for your understanding.
This was me last time I was sick. Sometimes I look like Phil Specter when I've been in bed sick. |
Feel better Rebecca and thanks for having me! I hope that family of yours is taking good care of you! If you guys would like to check me out, feel free to come by, I'd love to have you! I'll even try to make you laugh. I'm over at My Twin*tastic Life.
Stay healthy everyone!!
Stay healthy everyone!!
Kim