Thursday, August 18, 2011

Writer's Workshop: Have You Met Porter?

     When you have children awkward is pretty much SOP. I'm still in the duck and cover stage of my parenting development which means that the things my kids say and do never fails to mortify me; but what makes these moments even worse is when you hear your own words come from their mouths.
      School for the boys starts on Monday. We have spent the better part of this week getting all of the required appointments done and out of the way. The dentist was a breeze.
 Well for the most part anyway.

       No it was the doctor's appointment that had me...concerned. Concerned would be code for I'm-not-sure-whether-to-laugh-or-turn-myself-in-now. We filled out our developmental paperwork. We did a thorough exam and then my son said something that I didn't quite catch but caused the nurse practitioner's ears to prick up. The next thing I know I'm getting sidelong glances from the nurse and she's asking Porter if he's often in trouble at home.
        "Yeah. I's a bad boys somestimes. My mommy get rearly mad and tell me DAT'S ENUFF!"
        "Does she yell at you a lot?"
        "Yeah. (sigh) I's very crazy."
        "What does your mommy do when you are crazy?"
        "Well she's gunna beat me in pubwic!"
That's when the doctor came in and blessedly brought this line of questioning to an end. And after a lengthy conversation with the nurse, in a meeting I wasn't privy to, our family doctor returned and said that I was saved from the inevitable CPS phone call for another year.
         "She thinks I beat my kid, doesn't she, Doc?"
         "Yeah. I explained to her that I've heard you threaten to beat your children before and people who actually beat their kids try to hide statements like that from their doctors. Besides she thinks everyone beats their children."
          "Do you think I beat my kids?"
After a lengthy pause, "You forget, I've met Porter...."

Peace out!
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This post was inspired by Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writing Workshop!
All images and written work, found herein, is the sole property of Rebecca Burton and may not be used in any capacity without express written consent.