Hi and welcome to my blog. I really think parents need to lighten up; I mean, if parenting was meant to be a serious endeavor they'd offer classes! Oh, wait....
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Friday, September 3, 2010

The Shell Game

            If you know anything about the shell game you know that the game is rigged from the beginning and that you have no chance of winning.  This is my story….

It’s amazing how one single event can change your whole perception of the day.  If the event is substantial enough it can change your perception of your life.  That happened to me today, suffice it to say that I was shaken to my very core. 
            Today started off normally enough.  We had to take Myriam to get some tests done, so the boys had spent the night with Nana and Papa.  Nothing out of the ordinary; everything went as planned.  Until the drive home….
            Apparently, I have a cloaking device on my Jeep because not one, not two but three different people tried to run me over on the way home!  The first was a big white box truck.  He just decided to change lanes; the only problem was that I was already in the lane.  There was much horn blaring and wheels squealing.  The second was a micro car.  You would think, that since there is more glass than car in one of those things, that they would be able to see better, and that considering how small and how little metal there is between them and the concrete, you would also think they wouldn’t be SO effing aggressive.  But no the little blue shit just cuts me off and if I hadn’t hit my brakes HARD, I would have made a speed bump out of him!  And the last guy didn’t understand that in Kansas when merging onto the highway via an onramp the person NOT merging has the right of way!  I don’t think he even looked he just floored it and hoped for the best.  Needless to say the ride home blew. 
            So I go pick up my sons and head home.  It’s lunch time by the time we arrive home, so I hurriedly throw together some PB and J’s for the kids.  I decide to sit down to eat and of course that means that Porter needs to use the potty.  Irritated, because I’m looking at another dried out sandwich for lunch (My sandwiches are always dried out by the time I eat them because my children always have to go to the bathroom during lunch time and by the time three children have finished in the bathroom 45 minutes has passed and my sandwich is stale.) I tell Porter to go use the potty on his own.  Now normally I don’t let my children go to the bathroom alone, because frankly I’m smarter than that but today…I was hungry, distracted by the earlier bombshell and I was tired.  Telling Porter he could use the potty alone made his eyes gleam with anticipation.  He swiftly made his way to the bathroom, afraid I would change my mind, and shut the door.  Now I didn’t know he’d shut the door until several minutes later, when I heard a muffled toilet flush and an ominous, “Uh oh!  Momma HELP!” 
            By the time I get there, my toilet is doing its impersonation of a sewage bidet.  After several attempts at plunging the toilet to dislodge the blockage and two more moppings of my bathroom floor I send all of the children to their rooms and call my father to come help.  Three hours and one very full bladder later, I have a shiny new wax seal on my toilet, a clear pipe and a clean bathroom.   
                                                              
So I will now provide you with a list of things that probably shouldn’t be flushed down the toilet.
·         Toe Nail Clippers
·         Half a Roll of Toilet Paper (roll and all)
·         A Small Red Dinosaur
·         A Tiny Pair of Dolly Underwear
·         A Small Multi-Colored Rubber Ball
·         And Half of a Peanut Butter Sandwich

And now...I hate to be the one to break it to everyone but...Brooks and Dunn are breaking up! 


                                                                   (sigh)  I just want this day to be over….

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