Because I'm the Mommy

As I write this episode of the Mommy Diaries I am munching on a ground-score Tootsie Roll from my hometown’s Labor Day Parade. I’ve kinda explained that my hometown is kinda…well, Rockwellian but until you’ve lived here you just don’t realize how! I think this town, like most small towns is a community looking for a party, which means give us a reason and we’ll have a parade! I guess Labor Day is a good enough reason as any….

If you aren’t “lucky” (there is some sarcasm there but mostly I’m being serious) enough to live, or have lived, in a small town you may not have experienced a hometown parade before, so I’ll go over some of the finer points.

First off, there is no one running the show! Everyone, who wants to be in the parade (and the whole town is in the parade) just shows up at the location that everyone knows about, at the time everyone is aware of, and gets in line--in the order that was predetermined by everyone. If you have to ask where, when, how or why than you don’t belong in the parade—Go stand on the sidewalk and watch, Outsider!
Don’t expect to be in the front of the parade if you aren’t a school organization, local celeb, or the police. Just face the fact that you aren’t nearly as important as the guy who caught the 117 lb. catfish and was featured on the news six years ago.
If you get stuck walking behind the horses, wear boots.
You don’t need a float to be in the parade but it’s recommended that you attempt to remove the mud from your mud truck, four-wheeler, or dirt bike before attaching the streamers.
Because it’s a parade it is officially ok to eat things that are found on the ground! My town still throws candy and bystanders/gawkers are standing by to watch the chaos that ensues. Nothing like watching 3 year olds beat down high schoolers for a Tootsie Pop!
If you toss crappy candy be prepared to get it thrown back—aggressively.

Luckily my home is on the parade route so we don’t have to fight anyone for places to sit. And because we are at the end of the parade route any candy that the participants have left gets tossed to my children. It rained Tootsie Rolls this year. Forty minutes and six and a half pounds of candy later, my kids are lying, twitching, on the ground in a sugar coma…. Yeah, I love Labor Day!